It was a hard week. I had my concert, the house was messy, the kids didn’t do their chores, my therapist was on vacation, and Ben was gone. I did a lot of writing and knitting and Christmas shopping and avoided my chores too. By Friday we were wading in dirty laundry and toys.
Then I read about the suicide at BYU. Past trauma is like a feather pillow. It usually sits unassuming and tidy causing no problem. You forget it is even there. Then a trigger comes along. Like a sharp knife, the trigger slices open the pillow and feathers go flying everywhere making a mess of your world.
My life has been a mess, inside my brain and outside my brain. Even so, today I am seeing my Master’s hand through it all. Yesterday there was anger and swearing and suicidal thoughts. I was going to leave the church and go join a band in San Francisco. Then there were sedatives and naps and lots of knitting. Today faith and perspective are coming back.
I’m at church in the foyer right now. I taught my lesson to my twelve year olds. I told them about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and how they testified to Nebuchadnezzar that their God was Mighty to Save! Those eleven year olds were mesmerized by the power of the story. The faith in that room could light the world. They are amazing kids and I love them more that I can say!
My friends who knew Ben would be out of town brought me meals. My ya ya sisters know who they are! You were my angels. May his blessings be poured out upon you for your mercy. You may have saved my life. It was a hard week, but I know that you love me and that got me through.
Even though it has been hard, there have been angels; some living and some passed that have ministered to me. I’m rising above the pain and finding Jesus Christ. He’s at church beside me in the pew. He’s walking beside me in the hallways helping me be His witness. He’s feeding me spiritually, helping me to see the world as it is, then empowering me to make it better: more compassionate, more welcoming, more filled with the spirit, more ready for His glorious reign that draws ever nearer!
Now is the time to own him Lord! Now is the time to rise up and show the world that He is the God of this world. Now is the time to bare His witness and strengthen the weary. Today is the day to be Saints! Latter day saints, filled with the charity of the Master, not full of excuses and defensive deflections. He is Mighty to Save! Let us show the world the power of our God!